The lines are blurred between what is real and what isn't, the darkness that was once a place I feared was now a place of safety. If I stayed in the darkness, the hellish reality of what was truly happening no longer seemed real.
But I was about to be pulled out from under the consuming blanket of dark shadows, and plunged into the murky depths of my past. I was about to be shown my demons and all it's evil sides, all of it's pain and grief. I could only hope I survive it.
What happens when the world you once knew crumbles and falls at your feet?
Who will find me? Who will save me from my demons?
My dark prince or my white knight...
And will I find myself in the process.
"Neva, don't walk away from me!" Logan spits.
He is angry. What right did he have to be angry with me? I wasn't the one flirting with another girl. Why was he even here anyway? "Go away, Logan!" I say, walking faster.
Suddenly my arms are latched to my back and I am being spun around. My heartbeat picks up around twenty notches as I come eye to eye with Logan.
"Why the hell are you always running from me? I can't take it when you run from me!"
"I'm not doing this now. Let me go." I say, trying to get my wrist free from his grasp.
"No, we are doing this now. Why the hell did you run?"
"We're all running from something, Logan." I spit, repeating Dex's words.
"You still don't get it do you? How much clearer do I need to be for you to understand that I'm not going anywhere? I have been in love with you for ten years, Neva! Ten years. It isn't just going to go away!"
"I never asked you to love me! Why are you doing this to me?" "Because I hate seeing you fall and not get back up. I want to be the one to catch you, but you keep pushing me away!"
"What do you want from me?" I whisper.
"You. Just you. All of you. Every broken piece."
I bow my head. He releases my wrists from behind my back, and they drop to my side. I can't give him what he wants. I just can't do it. I will break him. Christ, I break myself on a daily basis.
"I can't give you that." I say, taking a step back.
"I'm not giving you up without a fight, Neva. You can't just walk away from us!"
"I am protecting you the only way I know how."
"I don't need protecting. What part of me looks like it needs protecting?"
"Your heart." I whisper. I gulp back the tears that were begging to release. I would not cry. But every time I pushed back that feeling, it hurt just a little bit more.
"You're breaking it right now." He whispers, taking a step towards me.
"I will break it over and over again, Logan. My nightmares will hurt you, my fear of people being ripped away from me will gut you, and my anxiety will spike yours."
"I can take pain, Neva. I had dealt with it for the past three weeks. I would rather have the pain with you, than without you."
"I … I." The words are at the tip of my tongue. Waiting to release, but I know if I say them, everything will change. Nothing will be the same and I will drag him into the pit of hell where my heart lies and my nightmares are real.
"I can't."
My Review: 4 1/2 stars
This was such a great book to read. It wasn't always easy to read though. It gave me hope for people who suffer from PTSD or PTSS, like Neva. I couldn't be more grateful to Logan. Even though Neva hurt him over and over again, he was there for her when she needed him most. This book was about their struggle to find themselves and each other again. Because no matter what had ever happened, they still loved each other. That never stopped. There was only pain because their other half wasn't there. They needed to start to heal themselves and realize what they had was worth every tear, every hurt, because despite all of that, it really was better to be together than apart. I applaud Neva's courage to go through therapy, because it really does help, if you've got a good therapist. I'm also glad that her friends and family supported her through this time that she really needed to help herself. That's the hard part - learning to help yourself. I'm looking forward to the next book about Tate and Low. I'm dying to find out more about that pint-sized powerhouse named Low who is dating Tate. I'm also interested in finding out how and what Tate has been thinking this whole time. I'm thinking it'll be a great story. S.K. tackled a difficult subject and made it easier to learn about and also care about because of the depth of her characters. She has told a really superb tale, with such insight into the demons that lurk inside our heads.
S.K. Hartley is a mother, wife and a writer. Based in the not so sunny North West of England you can find her either glued to her computer desk, in the public library (Yes, they do still exist!) or floating around her favourite authors books signings.
S.K. Hartley has an unhealthy obsession with coffee, chocolate and retro computer games and a healthy obsession of stalking indie authors.
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